One of the most common issues people seek counselling for is the problems they find that being in a relationship are posing. Married couples or those who have been together for a long time can often be involved in numerous conflicts over a variety of things.
This is of course due to the strains being reliant on one another can cause. When we invest our time and efforts into a relationship we feel like something has been gained therefore there is something to lose which makes us anxious about certain scenarios and events.
Time is one of the biggest killers in a relationship as well as we get comfortable with one another sparks can die out and everything can feel stale. Coming to the conclusion that there is in fact a problem and finding help is the first step to maintain your existing connection. In order to find out the root of your and your partner’s difficulties there are certain questions a relationship counsellor is likely to ask.
Why are you here?
The first and most important question that will be asked is why you have come to visit a counsellor. This is where you are prompted to explain the reasons behind your decision i.e. your story; what is bothering you in the relationship and what you hope to achieve out of these sessions. The counsellor can then determine if your intentions are based purely on love or for convenience due to other circumstances such as having children together. Regardless of your reason, however, they will not pass judgement and will help you toward your goal which is inevitably self-happiness.
How do you feel on a daily basis?
It is vital to gauge your general mood and emotions you experience while being in the relationship. During a relationship counselling session, the counsellor must assess your state of mind and analyse the role being together with your partner has played in this. If you have come as a couple then you might both be asked to share how you each feel to one another. This can be very therapeutic as many couples can keep their feelings bottled up which only leads to more underlying issues.
What is the communication like?
Again, if you have come together then it is easier for the counsellor to assess this for themselves as they will see you interact with one another. If not, however, you will be expected to be open and honest about how you communicate to each other. This may involve regular chats, discussions, texts, phone calls or might be rare contact every so often due to busy lifestyles or a lack of interest in doing so. They might also be conversations for the sake of it with no real meaning attached or take place in the form of arguments.
Do you fight often? If so, what are the main topics on the agenda?
This is an obvious physical sign that things aren’t right in a relationship if you are constantly fighting. There must be reasons behind it which one, or both, of you know but choose to remain unresolved. This leaves a couple feeling frustrated and creates a level of resentment towards one another. Your counsellor will try to uncover these reasons by asking you the main topics that the fights revolve around.
Are you intimate with one another?
Another big indicator of whether or not a relationship is struggling is when it comes to levels of romance. If there has been a noticeable change in you and your partner’s sex life in terms of desire to be with one another and lack of lust then there is often much deeper lying issues at hand. Your counsellor will try and retrace steps to find out where the relationship veered off course from a passionate, romantic one to an unfulfilled, stale one. Sex should never be the sole reason for a relationship falling apart but can often pinpoint why it has done.
Let an experienced counsellor help you overcome the challenges you are encountiering in your marriage. Call 01 5240708 now to speak with one of our counsellors or send us an enquiry.