One of our most important basic needs is to love and belong, but when we use anger inappropriately it isolate the ones we love.
Anger is completely normal usually a healthy human emotion. It’s what makes us get out of bed in the morning. But when it gets out of control and Turns destructive it can lead to problems. Problems at home, at work, problems with relationships, and an overall quality of life.
When we act on our anger inappropriately we tell ourselves it’s because, someone made me anger, we believe its happening to me it’s not my fault, I had no control over the anger. Yet inappropriate anger usually only happens with people we know, the people we love.
Today people are more angrier than ever with lack of jobs, cut backs, money problems, living in a home not worth the value of the moorage, paying tax on our home, 75% of people that come for counselling to access counselling are with anger issues.
What can help to use our anger a more appropriate way?
People use a variety of both conscious and unconscious processes to deal with their angry feelings. The three main approaches are expressing, suppressing, and calming. Expressing your angry feelings in an assertive—not aggressive—manner is the healthiest way to express anger. To do this, you have to learn another way to get your needs met without hurting others. Being assertive doesn’t mean being pushy or demanding; it means being respectful of yourself and others.
If we really have no control over our anger it would happen anywhere. Yet we don’t physically lash out at every person or object that irritates or annoys us; laws, social norms, and common sense place limits on how far our anger can take us.
As we never have a feeling without a thought although yet we sometimes think it’s the other way round.
We do have total control over our thoughts and our actions and an indirect control over our feelings, by changing our thoughts. Like the front two wheels of a car we have total control, the back wheels follow.
Anger is not a problem, it tells us something is wrong, it’s how we use the anger.
Golden rules of Anger Management
- By reacting to our feeling instead of pro- acting we may act in an inappropriate way.
- Recognise when you are angry
- Pro-act not react
- STOP THINK TAKE A LOOK AT THE BIG PICTURE
- BACK OFF: B-breathe, A-adapt, C-calm, K-keepcool, O-organize, F-feel your feelings, F-forgive
Access Counselling Clinic runs monthly anger management courses – please call 015240708 for more information.